


Legs Can Only Get You So Far

by ApocalypticNuisance



Category: SuperMansion (Cartoon)
Genre: Bugula caused those back problems, Headcanon, Love Confessions, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Post-Finale, Satun has back problems, Unrequited Love, but not actually, just wanted them to talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 08:19:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19169389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApocalypticNuisance/pseuds/ApocalypticNuisance
Summary: Saturn really needs to see someone for his back problems, but he wants to see Groaner first.A crappy little fic that’s just about these two talking and working things out. And also Saturn has back troubles thanks to Bugula.





	Legs Can Only Get You So Far

**Author's Note:**

> There’s no real plot or conflict to this. I just wanted to provide a fic for this small fandom!! 
> 
> Also hot take: I roleplay for this fandom too! My tumblr is casanovaroleplay if you’re interested. Or ask for my discord!

Black Saturn was having…...problems. 

None of his usual problems though. He wasn’t having a sad day despite living in a rundown, moldy pizza place, There was no moping around because he had been rejected by Groaner (but to be fair that happened at least once a day now), and no curling up and crying because they had run out of poptarts. To be entirely honest, this was a fairly decent day for the guy!

Except for his problem.

And that problem was his back.

Ever since Bugula had sprained it, Saturn had been on a very strict schedule of seeing a therapist and a chiropractor every few weeks to make sure nothing was going wrong. Being an anxious oaf, he didn’t want to go at first…..but Rex had scared him into it, saying he couldn’t be a member of the League with a busted spine. Which was technically true. He can’t fight crime and lock up villains if his legs don’t work. Well, he could if he really wanted to, Saturn knew plenty of paralyzed superheroes out there! But he didn’t think he could ever get the hang of it himself.

But it had been awhile since Saturn went to his therapist (they had been trapped in the future for about six months, what can you do?) and now his back was giving him issues. When he stood up too fast, a sharp pain would shoot down his spine and if he bent too far forward or backwards, he would be met with a stiff pain for the rest of the day. It would only be a matter of time before the mere act of just standing still would cause him immense pain. The only real relief he was getting was when he was sitting down or laying in bed. So he had been doing that more and more often to ease the pain. So often that it might be becoming noticeable. It definitely wasn’t easy to hide the pain on his face when he slowly struggled to sit down at the table for breakfast this morning.

The side eye that Rex gave him was enough for him to know he wasn’t good at hiding it. 

“Saturn…..are you alright?”

“W-What?” He asks over a mouthful of poptart. “Y-Yeah dude! All good!”

Rex wasn’t impressed.

“Oh really? So you weren’t just wincing in pain when you sat down just now?”

Oh man, Rex’s dad-like instincts were spot on! It’s like he had some sort of radar for that shit.

“N-Nope! I think you were just seeing things,” Saturn laughs nervously, finishing his poptart as fast as possible. He chugs his juice and then stands much faster then he had sat down. But to be fair, he was still in horrible agony, just managing to hide it this time. “I’m gonna go check on Groaner!”

“Oh shit, ya gonna bang the clowndude?” Cooch asks, genuinely curious. Unlike the rest of the League who would only tease him. Cooch just wasn’t the best with words.

The comment was so out of the blue that Saturn could only give an embarrassed squeak in response before bolting out the door.

Ranger scoffs at the bold choice of words but says nothing. 

Lex, on the other hand, is happy to throw her input in there. “Actually, I think Groaner would do all the fucking. Saturn would take it and cry the whole the time,”

“Good lord! Do you have no respect? Who gave you such a dirty mind?” Ranger gawks, raising his voice as he always does when the League brings up something he doesn’t entirely agree with. 

 

 

The mansion may be occupied by evildoers once more, but that isn’t going to stop Saturn from sneaking in. And by ‘sneaking in’ he means ‘scaling the wall up to his old bedroom window’. Of course Groaner would still live in his old room, but he might share it with Patty…..which means he would have to be careful just in case she was there. As he climbs, the pain in his lower back escalates and spreads until he’s finally made it into the room, which then leads to him collapsing onto the carpet and curling up on the floor, starting to shake. Saturn felt like he was going to throw up, but the intensity of his back pain faded away over the next few minutes and he was sure he was alright when he was able to unfurl from his little ball and lay sprawled out on the floor. Groaner was nowhere in sight, so he’d just have to wait for him to come back. 

And wait he does!

Saturn is used to just sitting around and doing nothing for a majority of the day so it isn’t long until he’s settled in a quiet sitting position, kinda like a pretzel, and staring out the window at the sky. He’s actually counting clouds and pointing out shapes to himself until Groaner finally arrives. The door is pushed open by the prop comic he had been waiting so patiently to see, but it wasn’t until the other made his presence known that Saturn realized he was there.

“Holy shit dude, what are you doing in here? How did you even get up here?”

Saturn jumps a bit and turns around to face his ex-nemesis, offering a grin and tilting his head toward the window.  
“Climbed.” 

“Oh. Well, what do you want, Saturn? It’s dangerous for you to be here when Devizo’s gone back to villainy. He could shoot your brains out the moment he sees you! No mercy.”  
As he talks, Groaner makes sure to shut and lock the door behind him so no one, especially Patty, could come in and bother them. Then he moves to sit on the edge of the bed, deciding it would be better than standing up the whole time.

How had Saturn not thought of that? Devizo would have surely caught him if he fell from the wall or made too much noise. Especially since with his recent back problems, he had a greater chance of falling. Getting up here had to have been pure, dumb luck. He opens his mouth to answer but can’t exactly find the right words to say that he had come here just to see the other man. The raised eyebrow he gets from Groaner in response floors him to say something though.  
“Did…..he threaten to shoot you?” 

It’s said in an oddly gentle tone, which shows that Saturn really does care about Groaner. Even if he can’t be with him romantically, he wouldn’t want anything to happen to him. And that’s what makes Groaner so iffy about seeing him now. Being on the opposite team and knowing that this big doof seriously cares about him makes it harder on himself since, as a villain, he would be forced to go back to actually hurting him. And even if he didn’t, who’s to say Devizo won’t pull some weapon out of his ass and force him to…...or worse, do it himself. Devizo has no love left in his heart, which means no mercy or pity. That man has a fury in his eyes that only death can satisfy now.

The absence of an answer from the other man made Saturn’s chest tighten with worry.  
“Groaner?”  
“Huh??”  
“Are you, uh, okay? Living here with….Devizo.”

The villain gives a hefty sigh.  
“God no. He’s gone total dictator.”  
“Seriously?? Holy shit! I mean, uh, I’ve dealt with my fair share of dictators…..”  
“Oh yeah? What’s that mean?”  
“Oh shit man! I never told you about the future, did I?”  
“All I got to hear was how madly in love with me you are,” the prop comic chuckles.

In all honesty, if it wasn’t for Patty, Groaner would have totally accepted Saturn’s confession right there and then. But at the time, he thought he’d never see Saturn again and thought that moving on was his best option…….

Saturn’s face is flushed in the dimly lit room. Sometimes he just wants to forget that he ever confessed to the other. It was just so embarrassing to know he was too late to the party. He was such a big, dumb, idiot! Ugh! And that wasn’t even a good insult!

“Uh, tell me about the future though! I want to hear about that dictator stuff,”

So Saturn did. As best as he could, even including the part where he realized they were married in the future. It was something he had originally wanted to hide from the other, but knew with time that it was something Groaner should hear about because…..well, it was part of their future! The future he would share with Groaner, no matter what obstacles stood in his way! And even if the other didn’t feel the same way right now, there was no telling what the future holds. Immediate future, by the way, not the far off future that Saturn had seen. Groaner’s feelings could change in a matter of days, weeks, months, who knows! So Saturn is gonna be as optimistic as possible.

“You dealt with the apocalypse twice? I think I’m jealous because that sounds pretty cool. All Devizo had us do while you were gone was patrol like clockwork. There wasn’t much to do without you around….”

“I totally would have called if I could! I’m, uh, really sorry I just disappeared.”

Groaner shook his head, disregarding the apology.  
“Don’t apologize, man, it wasn’t your fault you got sucked into a portal full of horrors and then got thrown through a tear in time. How long did it feel like you were gone?”

“Days? Weeks? But no way it was months!”

“Well I’m glad you’re back. I missed you.”

Saturn’s heart flutters and suddenly, he remembers what he had come for. He gave a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of his neck and hoping the blush on his face wasn’t visible with just a lamp shining on him.  
“Well, uh, shit dude, I-I missed you too. That’s, um, kinda why I came here.”

“Oh really~?”

“Yeah! We haven’t really talked since I got back. I mean, like, really talked. Casual conversation instead of love confessions and….trying to, uh, break you up with your girlfriend.” God that sounded so bad. Was he really that bad? 

To his surprise, Groaner just laughs and pats the mattress next to him, “No worries about breaking us up anymore, Patty broke up with me on her own. Here Sats, come sit.”

A bed is much more comfortable than the rug, so Saturn can’t say no to an invitation. He stands, his legs a bit wobbly as his back starts to hurt again. He makes a face of pain before shuffling over to the bed and sitting down next to Groaner. His expression didn’t go unnoticed though and Groaner was immediately concerned.

“Holy shit, Are you okay??”

“What? Uh, y-yeah! Why wouldn’t I, um, be okay?”

“You winced when you stood and it looked like you had a hard time just walking over here! It was just a few feet too. Did you get hurt?”

“Um….well, no. N-Not recently…”

“What is it, then?”

“It’s nothing, really! Cmon, Groaner, I don’t want to talk about it right now…”

But Groaner isn’t going to let this go. He grabs Saturn’s hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze, “You can tell me anything, remember? What happened?”

Ugh god, Saturn’s heart can’t take this! Groaner is so nice to him. He wants to question why he broke up with Patty but it’s so hard to think straight when Groaner’s giving him that concerned look and is encouraging him to talk about his problems. Maybe Groaner should be his therapist.

“I-I just have back problems is all. I was, um, supposed to see a chiropractor regularly but after going to the future, I just kinda forgot about it….”

“What?? Dude that’s terrible!! …..Is it the weight of that fancy cape that gave you back problems?”

He knows Groaner is just joking, but Saturn feels like he owes him the truth. “God no! It was B- uh…….it was Bugula. He, um, tossed me into a wall at IKEA and sprained my back. It took awhile for me to be able to walk again but what’s worse is that I might have these back problems forever….”

Groaner goes quiet, deciding to reach over and just comfort his friend by giving him an awkward little side hug.   
“Hey buddy, it’s okay. Sometimes being a hero comes with consequences, remember? There’s nothing wrong with having a messed up back. I mean, I don’t have a face! That’s what I get for being a villain, right? I look like a halloween decoration!”

“But I think it’s hot!” Saturn blurts, unable to stop himself. He turns red once he’s said it and kinda covers his mouth while turning away. “Sorry. Not cool.”

“I’m a single man!! Bring on all the flirty remarks, Sats!”

Groaner always knows how to lighten a mood and Saturn can’t help but laugh softly as he turns back around to give Groaner a crushing hug as a thank you for making him feel better.

“You’re the best.”

“N-No problem….”

It was odd, having all those feelings return like nothing ever happened. When Groaner realized he wanted to be Saturn’s friend at the wrong moment, when Courtney came around as ‘The Ringler’ - ugh what a stupid name, sounds like he could be in porn - that was when he knew how he felt. The way his chest tightened when Saturn would talk about him, or how his hands got all clammy beneath the white gloves he wore when he thought about him, and especially how he could feel his heart hammer in his chest whenever they talked, that was all rushing back to him like time had never passed. Why had he even tried to move on when Saturn was right here. He didn’t have to be here physically to know that Saturn would always be in his heart. CJ Wheelihan was special, he was a treasure, and Groaner didn’t want to lose him. Not now, not ever.

The silence that drifted between them was making Saturn worried. Had he done something the other didn’t like? With that thought in mind, he pulls away from their extended hug and puts his hands in his lap, looking away.   
“Uuuh, anyway, I just came to, um, see how you were. Doesn’t sound good with, uh, with Devizo going all nutzo.”

“Nope! It’s pretty terrible….Hey Sats?”

“Yeah?”

“You still feel that way about me?”

“What, um, what way?”

“Don’t play stupid! Do you still love me?”

“Oh! That, haha, uh……..yeah….”

“Good that’s what I thought.”

“That’s….good?”

Groaner took his hand again, giving it a gentle pat as he grins. They had come this far, he wasn’t about to let Saturn get away from him now.  
“I did mention Patty broke up with me, didn’t I?”

“Yeah…?”

“So let’s make a deal. You and I will go help you see a chiropractor like you need and I’ll take you to Arbys.”

Saturn’s eyes lit up almost immediately. He was dense though, so he didn’t realize Groaner was essentially asking him out. But he can’t turn down a day out with the man he’s fallen head over heels for.  
“Yeah!! Wait- Wait is this a date?”

“I mean, if you want to call it that, sure. But I’m also seriously concerned for your wellbeing and want to make sure you get the help you need for that back of yours. The Arbys part was totally me asking you out though.”

“God I hate needing help - but a date with you outweighs literally everything!! Hell yeah, let’s go!”

 

 

They had to sneak out of the mansion in case someone alerted Devizo. Lucky for Saturn, he wouldn’t have to scale the wall of the building like he did when he had to get up to the window. Groaner actually managed to sneak them right out the front door without anyone even noticing they were there. He must be good at that. After all, he always did a good job of sneaking around to see Saturn and talk to him over the phone back when Lex was in charge of the Injustice Club. Ahhh, good times.

Saturn had a strange limp to him as Groaner lead him through the streets and toward the local chiropractor. They wouldn’t need an appointment because…...well, who the hell goes to see a chiropractor on a Wednesday morning? Most people have jobs and lives to focus on. Plus, the whole world has poor posture! And most of the people in this city probably don’t even know what a chiropractor even is! Storm City is lame. As they continued to walk and Saturn continued to bad mouth the chiropractor, Groaner just quietly kept listening. He was used to Saturn rambling on and on about whatever came to mind. It was part of his charm, actually. Groaner found it…..oddly romantic. So much so, that he had started to daydream about it. The two of them, sitting somewhere under the shade of a tree, Saturn rattling off a whole list of reasons why he fell in love with the Groaner, and the two of them sharing a glass of wine that they stole from Devizo’s secret stash. Somehow the beginnings of a limp didn’t deter Saturn at all from continuing his endless speech. To be fair, Groaner thought he would be just fine if he ended up paralyzed, not that that’s something either of them really want, but Saturn was a tough guy! Even with a disability, he would power through and find some way to continue fighting crime. It was his passion, his life, and no matter what happened, Saturn would come out on top.

“Ummm….Groaner?”

“Huh?”

“W-We’re here….”

The stutter made him a little worried as they stood in front of the door that lead into the chiropractor’s office. To Saturn, it seemed like a visit to the dentist when you had a cavity or a trip to the doctors for your yearly check up. He looked scared. Groaner didn’t like it, so he helped him inside and talked to the nice little receptionist for him and then went to sit down.

“You alright?”

Saturn pulled his cape around himself and stared at the floor. “Of course I’m okay! I’m not…..i’m not scared or anything!”

If Groaner had any eyes, his gaze would soften at the defensive tone. “You know it is okay to be scared, right? It can’t be easy to deal with all this weight on your shoulders on your own. The threat of….your legs just giving out at any time would be….terrifying to most! But I’m right here, buddy, and if anything ever happens to you, I’ll be the first one to help, okay? You have to outweigh the odds, right? You’ve always done that, Ceej, it’s what you do! It’s what you’re good at.”

“You, uh, you really believe that?”

“Of course I do! You’re my best friend - who I also just technically asked out like an hour ago so I guess we’re almost dating - and I care about you. I’ve been your friend for years, right?”

“Nemesis.”

“Well, same thing. And I’ve learned a lot about you in that time. I think you are as strong as you make yourself seem…..but, emotionally. You’ve got a big heart and that’s what I like about you. If that slim chance of you actually fuckin’ up your leg ends up happening for real, I know you’ll power through like the tough guy you are!”

He should have given that speech afterwards, because of course Saturn would start to sob at any trace of something nice being said to him. His bottom lip quivers and tears roll down his cheeks, staining the hem of his mask. He tries to wipe his face clean with his gloved hands but he just succeeds in smudging the tears against his face. “G-Groanerrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! I love you so much, man, you’re so nice to meeeeeee!!!” 

“Aaww buddy, cmon. You’re gonna make me cry too! I don’t wanna cry!”

Nope. Already happening. These two oafs were crying in the waiting room of the chiropractor’s office like idiots. The receptionist just kinda….puts an open book on her desk to cover her face and give those two some privacy as the cry and hug it out. Oh true love, everyone wants something like that.

The sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted their sobbing session. The chiropractor was in the doorway with an awkward little smile, “Black Saturn? Come with me.”

Saturn flushed red, a bit embarrassed since their moment was interrupted. Groaner had given him a little pep talk and he wasn’t as nervous as he was before. So with an encouraging pat on the shoulder, Saturn stood and followed the man back to his office.

 

 

He felt so much better when he came back out. His back wasn’t in constant, throbbing pain and he was actually able to walk without worry. Groaner is sitting in the waiting room, bickering with someone on his phone when he enters the room again. Saturn’s a bit concerned when he notices because it looks like the conversation is just getting heated. Whoever he’s talking to, it doesn’t sound good. But Saturn doesn’t want to interrupt! Whatever is going on, it might be a bad idea to get in the middle of it, so he just sits down next to the other and waits for him to finish. It looks like Groaner had noticed him and rushed to end the conversation before angrily pressing the ‘end call’ button and shoves his phone back in his pocket. The prop comic looks a bit frustrated but tries to put on a smile when he turns to see Saturn.

Groaner claps his hands together and smiles.  
“Saturn! Do you feel better?”

“Yeah! Um…..What was that call about?”

Maybe he shouldn’t have asked, because the way Groaner starts to shift uncomfortably made him feel bad. 

“Y-You don’t have to talk about it….”

“Nah. Cmon Sats, let’s get outside and, uh, I’ll tell you about it.”

They head outside, the sun high in the sky now since it’s early afternoon. Saturn is happy to be able to skip outside after Groaner and just kinda stand around without worrying about his horrible aching back. He can feel his stomach do a few flips as he starts to get hungry, but he’s sure it’s also from the thought of going on a real, actual date with Groaner! A really for real serious date!!!!

“So, uh, that was Patty actually.”

“Oh! I didn’t think it was her since you were arguing so much. I thought it was Devizo trying to get you back to the mansion.”

“Devizo still doesn’t know I’m gone, actually. Patty found out though and got her panties in a serious knot. The entirety of The Injustice Club knows how dangerous Devizo is right now and she wanted me to come back before he found out and tried to kill me or lock me up. Actually, uh, that was the tame part. We then devolved into bickering when you came back into the waiting room. It’s…..why we broke up.”

“You broke up because you two bickered?!”

“Not the good kind of bickering like you and I do. It was the spiteful, venom-filled bickering a couple that’s sick of each other does. So she broke it off before things got worse.”

“How much worse could something like that get? I-I’m real sorry,”

“It’s not your fault, buddy.”

“Are you sure?! I tried to break you guys up!”

“You seemed actually regretful of that and….we started bickering long before you tried to split us up. It started small and just escalated. But that’s in the past now. I’m actually glad we’ve split because now I can spend all my time with you?”

Was that flirty??? Saturn could have sworn that was a flirty remark.  
“Heh, uh, I always want to spend time with you!”

“Aaaalllll the time~?”

“Y-Yeah! Duh! You’re the only person who even wants me around!”

“Oh don’t say that, I’m sure plenty of people want to hang out with you!”

Saturn doesn’t answer that, just lets the conversation fizzle out as his stomach gurgles for attention. 

“I’m starving!”

“Me too, man, let’s get some Arbys like I promised.”

“Like….Arbys on a date?”

“Yes Saturn, it’s a date.”

“Good! I-I was just, um, m-making sure!”

Seeing Saturn become so unsure and ask for the third time if this was indeed a date made the prop comic laugh to himself. He was so damn cute, he can’t believe it took him so long to actually ask him out. Even if it’s just to Arbys. He’s sure they can go on plenty more dates and make those future dates more romantic. He’s already planning ahead. A romantic picnic under the stars, going to a movie together, cuddling during some sweet little campout. All good ideas. He’s definitely already planning that picnic out in his head, no doubt about it.

 

 

Saturn is happy to just spend the time with Groaner at Arbys. It’s simple. A big fancy date isn’t something he needs to enjoy the time spent with Groaner. They spend the afternoon just sitting in a booth and talking about whatever comes to mind, and somehow they never get bored of each other’s company. It’s late afternoon by the time they realize they should be heading back. Devizo would surely notice Groaner is gone if he comes out of the basement for dinner and doesn’t see the prop comic around, so they’re gonna have to part ways. Saturn doesn’t want to, though, suddenly very clingy to the man he had fallen for.

“Nooooo, don’t go!!”

“It’s fine, Sats, I promise I’ll call you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Hell yeah! Besides, I’ve already got a much nicer idea for our second date,”

“S-Second-?”

“Second. As in two. As in both of us, together, hanging out romantically.”

Saturn’s eyes light up and he lets go of Groaner’s arm to let him hurry home. He’s ecstatic to know that there will be a second date! With Groaner! They’re dating!!! He turns to say goodbye to the other, only to have a sudden kiss placed to his cheek and the prop comic’s hand patting his head.

“I’ll see ya later, babe.”   
Groaner winks and then he’s off in a hurry.

CJ just….stands there, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open as he watches his now-boyfriend scurry off down the street until he’s entirely out of site. He can’t believe it! Groaner kissed him! Groaner asked him on a second date! Groaner called him babe! Actually, that last one was pretty hot. Pet names always got to him. Saturn’s heart flutters in his chest as he turns, walking home on wobbly legs, but this time they’re caused by Saturn being in love and not because he’s got a sprained back. He stumbles into the front door with a happy, dazed look on his face and makes his way to his room.

“Saturn! Where have you be-? Uuuhhh…..?” Rex had tried to ask him about his whereabouts, but the zombie-like daze on his face and the sugary sweet smile made him decide against it. He’ll ask tomorrow.

“What was that all about?” Ranger looks up from his magazine just in time to see the same dazed Saturn almost frolick up the stairs. 

“I believe he is in love,” Liplor butts in.

Cooch snickers to herself, “We already knew that, dude!” 

“He looks ridiculous!” 

Rex sighs and shoves his friend over, sitting on the couch next to him. “Ranger! Be nice to the guy!” He scolds, knowing Ranger had no real filter when it came to his insults and hard conservative opinions.

In response, Ranger just scoffs and buries his face back in the magazine.

Rex sighs, stretching out on the couch and turning on the news. Something about a car crash on the highway, but he wasn’t actually listening, thinking too hard about Saturn now. He looked a little troubled this morning and he knew he’d have to ask about that sometime soon as well, but for now he can’t bring himself to get off the couch. Rex would never really tell anyone this, but he looked at Saturn as a son in a way, and his fatherly instincts would always kick in for him. Saturn was a special kind of guy, an oaf and an idiot at times, but he knew what he was doing in certain areas. A lot of people treated him like a dumbass, and he was guilty of that as well when they first got to know each other, but he’s grown to care for that dumbass like his own child and he wants to make sure Saturn is - or at least will be - happy. Judging by the future the League saw where a slightly overweight Saturn was happily married to his ex-nemesis, that wasn’t too far ahead of him now. Rex can only hope that whatever Saturn had done today, it was good for him in some way. 

Saturn had a carefree future ahead of him and Rex was glad that the man was steering his life in the right direction.

Maybe, just maybe, things would turn out alright for CJ after all.


End file.
